I’m so fed up with my life. I am so done with everyone and everything. I’m better off alone. Just me, myself, and I. I need to escape into a different world. I need a smoke. I need a drink. I need something. Ugh! I don’t even know anymore. Fuck my fucking life. ASDFGHJKL!?!?! Damn, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life anymore. Gosh, at this point I am not regretting anything. Wish I was fucking dead. God damn, fucking piece of shit! Urghhh! Fuck you! Thanks for ruining my fucking night!?!?!?
You know, sometimes I just don’t get it. Why are you barely there for me when I need you? I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. It honestly hurts. When I try to tell you something, you get mad before I even start explaining and tell me to shut up because you’ve heard enough. Enough of what!?!?! You only listened to me for like 10 seconds. Gosh! What kind of boyfriend are you!? We use to be so happy. Now we’re yelling at each other and having relationship problems. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect couple but wtf. We’ve only been together for 2 almost 3 months and things are already falling apart. Is this a sign? I have this disgusting gut feeling in my stomach right now. Something is telling me to leave, the other thing is telling me to stay. We were so happy yesterday, and now we’re like this today. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore… I don’t know what to do. Huuuh…I just don’t care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.
Its christmas of 2012. You only live 15 minutes away from me. I look around and see all these couples spending their Christmas Day together. While I’m at home doing nothing you are chilling with your family. But I understand, family first. I just wish to spend this day with you too. I got you a present too..but I guess it can wait. Wish you were here..
I’m so tired of you knocking out on me all the time. The first couple times, I use to think it was cute but now the thought of it is just so annoying and irritating. What happened? We use to stay up super late on the phone talking to each other. Now, all we do is talk a little, then it gets super silent, and the cycle repeats. We’re drifting. You know, all I want is for us to return back to those late night calls. I understand you get tired but sometimes I want some of “US” time. I want to be able to talk to you without you knocking out on me. Goooosh! I’m having second thoughts and everything. We’re fading and I am so close to giving up. Huuuuh, idk where to go on from here besides hang up the phone. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to wake up from your stupid sleep. I’m done waiting.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. I’m starting to second guess…I’m starting to become heartless once again. I don’t deserve to be loved. It seems like all I can do his hurt people. I try so hard not to hurt people…I’m having mixed signals and just…idk how to explain it. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love him. He makes me feel like I’m the happiest and luckiest girl in the world. But someone like me..I don’t deserve someone like him..he deserves so much better. I live with the hugest sin…the biggest regret…the unforgettable guilt. I will live with it until the day I die. What I’ve done, I don’t deserve to be forgiven for. I’m thinking nonsense.. I’m better off alone…ATM I’m all just about thoughts running through my mind, but when I’m with him and talking to him, I put on a smile and hide my real feelings..I’m a horrible person.. I don’t want to hurt him. Gosh, I’m so stupid! I should’ve never gotten so close to him because then I won’t be able to pull back. I knew it was wrong to love him from the beginning, but because I was stupid I went for it. Now..I’m hurting him. He always see’s me happy. Not once have I showed him anger or let him see me cry. Gosh…I would do anything to turn back time. I’m only hurting him more if I keep this going on…when you lose something that meant so much to you, you tend to look for the next best thing…that’s what I did… & that was my biggest mistake.. ;( my guilty conscious will always haunt me…I’m better off alone;(
Honestly, I am really disappointed in you. You use to be one of the realist people I knew until you started drinking like crazy and smoking every second you had left. What happened? Now your life is fucked up, you’re putting yourself out there, talking all this nonsense bullshit, and putting yourself through unnecessary shit. C’mon now. I thought you were better than that. But I guess your just somebody I use to know. Now you’re just some nigga who don’t know what to do in life so you take it out on those who love you. You drink and smoke your pain away, thinking its going to help but you know, deep down, its not helping you for shit. Get your shit together because shit ain’t cute.
I think one reason why I don’t do we’ll with relationships and school is because my relationship always seems to get in the way of school. Especially as of right now…I’m missing babe like crazy & I cannot concentrate on my homework;(
Because I see you with her and it hurts so much inside. But I got to be happy because all I wanted was the best for you. Although it hurts, I got to let go and look past what we use to have. Because I know that I no longer mean anything to you. Back to strangers with memories once again…