I’m so fed up with my life. I am so done with everyone and everything. I’m better off alone. Just me, myself, and I. I need to escape into a different world. I need a smoke. I need a drink. I need something. Ugh! I don’t even know anymore. Fuck my fucking life. ASDFGHJKL!?!?! Damn, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life anymore. Gosh, at this point I am not regretting anything. Wish I was fucking dead. God damn, fucking piece of shit! Urghhh! Fuck you! Thanks for ruining my fucking night!?!?!?
You know, sometimes I just don’t get it. Why are you barely there for me when I need you? I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. It honestly hurts. When I try to tell you something, you get mad before I even start explaining and tell me to shut up because you’ve heard enough. Enough of what!?!?! You only listened to me for like 10 seconds. Gosh! What kind of boyfriend are you!? We use to be so happy. Now we’re yelling at each other and having relationship problems. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect couple but wtf. We’ve only been together for 2 almost 3 months and things are already falling apart. Is this a sign? I have this disgusting gut feeling in my stomach right now. Something is telling me to leave, the other thing is telling me to stay. We were so happy yesterday, and now we’re like this today. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore… I don’t know what to do. Huuuh…I just don’t care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.
Its christmas of 2012. You only live 15 minutes away from me. I look around and see all these couples spending their Christmas Day together. While I’m at home doing nothing you are chilling with your family. But I understand, family first. I just wish to spend this day with you too. I got you a present too..but I guess it can wait. Wish you were here..
I’m so tired of you knocking out on me all the time. The first couple times, I use to think it was cute but now the thought of it is just so annoying and irritating. What happened? We use to stay up super late on the phone talking to each other. Now, all we do is talk a little, then it gets super silent, and the cycle repeats. We’re drifting. You know, all I want is for us to return back to those late night calls. I understand you get tired but sometimes I want some of “US” time. I want to be able to talk to you without you knocking out on me. Goooosh! I’m having second thoughts and everything. We’re fading and I am so close to giving up. Huuuuh, idk where to go on from here besides hang up the phone. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to wake up from your stupid sleep. I’m done waiting.
It’s about time that I leave you in the past because the more I think about you. The more I fucking hate you. Wish you didn’t exist or wish we never met & had a “thing”. This world is TOO FUCKING SMALL!
I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. I’m starting to second guess…I’m starting to become heartless once again. I don’t deserve to be loved. It seems like all I can do his hurt people. I try so hard not to hurt people…I’m having mixed signals and just…idk how to explain it. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love him. He makes me feel like I’m the happiest and luckiest girl in the world. But someone like me..I don’t deserve someone like him..he deserves so much better. I live with the hugest sin…the biggest regret…the unforgettable guilt. I will live with it until the day I die. What I’ve done, I don’t deserve to be forgiven for. I’m thinking nonsense.. I’m better off alone…ATM I’m all just about thoughts running through my mind, but when I’m with him and talking to him, I put on a smile and hide my real feelings..I’m a horrible person.. I don’t want to hurt him. Gosh, I’m so stupid! I should’ve never gotten so close to him because then I won’t be able to pull back. I knew it was wrong to love him from the beginning, but because I was stupid I went for it. Now..I’m hurting him. He always see’s me happy. Not once have I showed him anger or let him see me cry. Gosh…I would do anything to turn back time. I’m only hurting him more if I keep this going on…when you lose something that meant so much to you, you tend to look for the next best thing…that’s what I did… & that was my biggest mistake.. ;( my guilty conscious will always haunt me…I’m better off alone;(
I’ve been thinking about so many things lately. Although you aren’t in my life anymore, I still miss you. I still do think about you very often and sometimes I even want to talk to you. But then again, it would be awkward between us…If I could go back in time, I would change what we had and let it never happen. All the feelings, emotions, butterflies, laughter…I wish they never happened. Then I wouldn’t be feeling this way right now. It honestly hurts me that you chose her over me…the way she treats you. It really does hurt because I know that if I was her, I wouldn’t be doing what she does to you. But if you think your happy then I have no right to interfere…right? I just wished that you see that you deserve better. As much as I want to laugh it off and say that karma has hit you, but…I can’t just shrug it off like you mean nothing to me…You honestly still mean so much to me. More than you can ever imagine. I hope that one day you come to realize that. Maybe it won’t be too late right..? :(